Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Upon Entering The Heaven

Upon Entering The Heaven











 


Momma's Bible - Hilarious!

 Momma's Bible - Hilarious!
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida .

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."

The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious Thank you so much."

Love, Mama


Zhou Enlai's witty interpretation of the zodiac to an audience of foreigners


Zhou Enlai's witty interpretation of the zodiac to an audience of foreigners

 

听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
It was said that Mr Zhou En-lai was once having a meal with his European friends.
A person by the name of Klaus passed an impolite comment when he was drunk.
“You Chinese carry the signs of pigs, dogs, and mouse at birth.
“I can’t understand what’s going on in the mind of your ancestors?”
At that point, the distinguished group of friends started to laugh. They started to toast each other rowdily.
The cultured and serene atmosphere was broken.
Some people believe that when someone insults your ancestors, even if you don’t have a response to it, the least you could do is to overturn the table against him.
Fortunately, nobody acted rashly or in violence.
For a while, not a single word was uttered. It was probably because they have not come across this situation before.
Then, Mr Zhou En-lai stood up and spoke to everybody in a calm and peaceful way.
“The Chinese ancestors were very wise. They arranged the twelve zodiac signs in pairs. Six pairs in a cycle.
In this way, they expressed their hopes and wishes for the generation that came after them.”
By then, the room was in complete silence. There were some sceptical looks among the audience.
Mr Zhou En-lai continued, ” The first pair of animals is the rat and cow.
 
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!

听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
“The rat represents wisdom and the cow represents diligence. Wisdom and diligence must operate in harmony.
“If there is wisdom but no diligence in applying it, it’s foolishness.
“On the other hand, if there is diligence but no wisdom, it’s an act of folly.
“That’s why wisdom and diligence must go hand in hand. This is our ancestor’s first wish for us. The first pair of animal also represents the most important hope.
“The second pair is the tiger and rabbit.
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!

听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
“The tiger represents courage and the rabbit represents carefulness. These two qualities must work closely together.
“In that way, it can have a better chance to achieve success.
“Without carefulness, courage becomes recklessness. Similarly, without courage, carefulness becomes cowardice.
“This pair of qualities is very important. That’s why it is the second pair.”
Mr Zhou En-lai looked at the audience and then he added, “Therefore, when we demonstrate our carefulness, please do not think that we do not have the courage to fight for social justice.
“In truth, what our ancestor is pursuing is wisdom through integrity, harmony and balance. It’s never about a single hope or task.
When he saw that the audience was deep in thought, Mr Zhou En-lai continued, “The third pair is the dragon and snake.
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!

听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
“They represent strength and flexibility.
“Strength without flexibility becomes brittle. Without strength, flexibility becomes meaningless.
“That’s why strength with flexibility is an important lesson from our ancestor that has lasted through time.
“The next pair is the horse and goat.
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
“The horse represents the ability to gallop to success. The goat represents the ability to be considerate and have compassion.
“If a person only looks after himself as he pursues his goal and with no consideration for others, he will face obstacles from the people around him.
“Finally, he may not even be successful.
“However, if a person only looks after others and seek only to be amiable, he will not have a sense of direction. His goal will eventually be lost.
“That’s why the spirit of the horse and virtues of the goat must be applied in harmony with each other. This is our ancestor’s fourth wish for us.
“The next pair is the monkey and the chicken.
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!

听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
“The monkey represents agility.
“As for chicken, as there were no clocks in the days of old, it is needed to wake humans to start a new day.
“The chicken represents stability.
“The qualities of agility and stability must be tightly coupled together.
“If you have agility but no stability, your best plan will not come to pass. However, if you focused on having stability and refuse to change, you will not have a better future.
“When the two qualities are in harmony, on one side, there will be stability in terms of having, for example, effective system and collaboration.
“On the other side, there will be a release of unrelenting creativity and innovation to achieve progress.
“When these two qualities operate in synergy, it is one of the basic imperatives to achieve success.
“Lastly, we have the dog and pig.
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
听周总理谈十二生肖!周总理的智慧不是一般人能比!
 
“The dog represents loyalty while the pig represents good nature.
“If a person is loyal but does not have a good nature, he will be blindly following others.
“On the other hand, if he has a good nature but does not have loyalty, he will have no people and principles to guide him.
“That’s why whether its loyalty to a country, loyalty to a team, or loyalty to an ideal, you need to ensure that good nature is tightly coupled with and working alongside with it.
“In that way, you can have a deep-seated sense of loyalty that comes from the heart.
“This is why the Chinese believes that the outer core must be in alignment with the inner core (外圆内方,君子和而不同).
“At the inner core, we must have a pure heart that subscribes to high moral values. We must seek to live with ethos and positive principles.
“We must live up to our words and not do anything that will harm others.
“At the external core, we must be knowledgeable about the ways of the world. We must be wise in managing affairs around us.
“We need to focus on what matters in life and not be influenced by evil.
“We need to live with integrity and in harmony with others and the environment. We must not have any form of prejudice or seek to discriminate against anyone.”
At the end of his speech, there was complete silence. They say that you can even hear a pin dropped.
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周恩来妙语解释的十二生肖让全场外国人鸦雀无声